Addictions
by Bacardimau5
Summary: Set after Origins, Elissa Cousland is rescued by the Wardens and is forced to confront her demons.
1. Chapter 1

Elissa awoke on the dirty floor of the basement of her family home, Cousland estate. Her wrists were chained to a hook that was used for hanging sacks above her head, the blood had drained from her arms and they now were numb. She noticed her dress had been ripped almost clean off, exposing her underwear and blood smeared chest. There was a burning pain from between her legs and knew instantly how she had been injured there. She felt bile rise in her chest at the thought and turned her head sideways to avoid throwing up on herself. Elissa wondered who had raped her while she had been unconscious. She began to cry as she remembered last night's attack by her father's supposed friend Rendon Howe. His men had cut down her older brother Fergus first as he had tried to retaliate, Elissa heard the terrified screams of Fergus's wife and son, and then they had stopped suddenly. Many of the servants had also been killed as they tried to protect their well-loved employers. She lost her parents in the fray and had no idea what had happened to them.

There was a noise as a key turned in the lock on the door, an armed guard stepped inside. He was one of Howe's men.

"Hello my little whore. You enjoyed yourself earlier didn't you?"

The guard stood over her threateningly, crouched down to stroke her chest and then grabbed cruelly.

Elissa recoiled into the wall behind her and felt the bile rise again. There was no way she could block this out.

The guard ripped off the rest off her dress and began to unbutton his trousers.

_[Please no.]_

"Maker! Get the fuck off her!"

A strong pair of hands gripped the guard and tore him off Elissa. Her attacker barely had time to react when a sword came down on his throat, as he hit the floor his head lolled limp to one side while a severed artery spurted blood everywhere. Elissa's stomach churned dangerously at the sight.

"Oh God, I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner my lady." He took off his cloak and wrapped it around her.

Another man then entered the room, he looked at Elissa and froze, she knew she looked a state from the look of horror on his face.

"I've got this Alistair. Urgh, I just came in and that sick bastard there was attacking her". Her rescuer growled.

Elissa looked away from him and up at her rescuer as he struggled to release her from the chains. He was tall and pale with dark hair and eyes. She recognized his face instantly, how could she not? He was the most famous person in Ferelden, next to the Queen. He was the champion, the saviour of Ferelden.

As the chains fell, he tenderly pulled them off her wrists then stood up to face the door.

"Wynne? Wynne! I need you in here, bring some clothing if you can. The rest of you don't come in, just keep searching for survivors." He shouted. "That includes you Alistair!"

"No Marcus, I'll stay here and help Wynne, you go."

As Marcus left the room, an older woman appeared at the door, dressed in full length blue robes.

Elissa's mind was swirling from the pain and shock. Her arms started to burn now the blood had returned to them.

"That's the Teryn's daughter!" Wynne exclaimed."Maker's breath look at her."

"You don't want to know what Howe's man there was doing to her when Marcus found her." he kicked the bloody corpse next to them.

"Bloody hell, oh God! Poor child, stay still dear I'm going to help you."Wynne whispered.

She used a staff to cast a green light around Elissa's body, it was warm and Elissa felt some of the pain instantly ebb away.

"T –Thank you"

"Shh just relax child, you should feel a little better now. Let's get you dressed and away from here."

Wynne and Alistair both stood up.

"NO please! Don't leave me!"Elissa cried, reaching for them desperately.

"I'll get her some clothing, you stay here Wynne."

Alistair left and returned a short while later with bundles of clothes in his arms. He waited outside as Wynne began to dress Elissa slowly. He came back into the room once Elissa was dressed and gently picked her up in his arms.

"I have a bag here, we found it in it an upstairs corridor and it had your name inside of it. Figured you may want it for the road my lady" He said to her.

"I was packing to leave but we didn't have enough time, they stormed the gates. Wait-wha-what happened to my parents? Have you found them?" she whispered coarsely.

"I'm so sorry my lady."


	2. Chapter 2

Elissa awoke a few days later with no pain. Wynne must have put a spell on her to keep her asleep while they re-set her broken bones, as well as another healing spell. She realized she was in a small tent and that there was another occupant next to her bed roll. A large dog was fast asleep next to her.

_[A Mabari]_

It woke when Elissa began it stroke it and licked her hand to show it was friendly. She had always wanted a Mabari but they had always imprinted on other people. This one looked happy as pie to have Elissa scratching it's ears.

Her mother had a Mabari when Elissa was a small child, named Woggles_. [As in Doggy Woggles]_. Elissa smiled at the memory. She saw the bag they had given her after they had found her, she had began packing it when Howe's men had first started to attack the Cousland family home but never managed to finish packing and escape with her Mother. Elissa sobbed at the flashback. She thought of their bodies back at the Cousland estate and wished they could have at least been given a decent funeral, not just been left there to rot. That thought burned into her mind, and she struggled not to picture their white, still faces.

Elissa turned and buried her face into the bed roll to muffle her cries of anguish. She was utterly alone in the world with no one to care for her. There was no one to care if she simply disappeared into the blackness. She reached out to pick up her sword. No one would care if she were no longer on this earth, no one would stop her if she were to fall onto the steel blade. Elissa blanched.

_[What am I thinking?]_

There was no way she could end her own life, her parents if they were still alive, would be ashamed of their only daughter for taking the easy way out. And Howe. Rendon Howe deserved justice for his crimes and Elissa was certain it would be her to exact that punishment. She lay down the sword and pushed the man's face from her mind, thinking of her dear parents.

When she had finished crying eventually, she began to wonder where she was. She dressed herself from clothes she found in her bag, and then plaited her long Blonde hair down one side of her head. She found a small pouch containing a blue powder within her bag.

_[Lyrium, thank the Maker!]_

She paused a second to listen whether someone was close by then incanted some words picturing herself fully washed and made up. She took a pinch of Lyrium and sniffed it up hard. She then grabbed her little pocket mirror out of the bag. As she looked into the mirror, she admired how perfectly her makeup had been magically applied and how clean and fresh she felt, despite not bathing properly in days.

This something she had never shared with anyone else, as well as being good with a sword or two, she also knew a little magic. She had discovered sniffing a little Lyrium could give her some limited powers, which she mainly used for vanity. However she knew the result wouldn't be good for her if anyone found out about her use of Lyrium. Her need to look differently from her natural state was powerful enough to risk this every morning, lest anyone should see her makeup free and covered in mud. Deep down she knew her obsession with her appearance was not normal but this could not be easily changed, not after 2 years of daily sniffing Lyrium.

Her family had always been open minded to magic, especially her father Teyrn Bryce Cousland. He often used to go on how cruel it was to lock up innocent Mages and how the Chantry was an oppressive and power hungry institution. A cousin of Elissa's, who had taught her the Lyrium sniffing tricks, had been dragged to the Circle of Magi, by some rather heavy-handed Templars. Elissa wondered if the same would happen to her if her Lyrium habit was found out, strictly speaking she wasn't a Mage but could sniffing Lyrium be almost as bad? She closed the pocket mirror, feeling a little more human and crawled out of the tent.

It was a sunny morning but the air was crisp.

"Come here boy!"

The Mabari followed her out of the tent and sniffed the morning breeze.

Elissa looked around tentatively, there were several small tents including hers that were circled loosely around a camp fire, they were situated in some wood.

"Morning, are you hungry Lady Cousland?"

She jumped at the sound and span round to see the young man who had carried her out of the basement.

"Shit sorry, didn't mean to scare you! That's just what you don't need right now. Do you want some breakfast?"

He had a plate in his out stretched hand and was biting his bottom lip awkwardly. He was taller than she was, though didn't look much older. He raked his other hand through his short, blonde hair.

_[His hair's the same colour as mine]_ She mused.

"Er yes thanks." She took the plate off him and sat on a log next to the fire, he sat next to her and watched her eat out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm so happy to see you looking better than last time I saw you." he said quietly, she gave him a small smile and he continued.

"The others will be back soon, they've just gone for some supplies into a nearby village." He began to fumble with a piece of armour. "I'm Alistair by the way, you probably don't remember me from back then but we used to play together at Redcliffe Castle when we were young. I'm sorry about what happened to your family. Your father was always nice to me."

She remembered him a few days earlier, his face set in horror looking upon her half naked, tortured and chained up.

Elissa looked at him closely, admiring his chiselled good looks. She noticed how scarred his huge muscles were and found herself admiring his tanned, strong arms. Her glance flicked down to his chest, the shirt he was wearing was tight on his muscles. [_Stop it! It's a wonder you haven't been put off men for life]._ Then she remembered.

"Oh my God I do remember you! You were Arl Eamon's adopted boy weren't you? Spent all your time in the stables." She exclaimed.

He smiled and for the first time looked her in the eye.

"Yes that's me, the stable hand!"

"Why did you leave Redcliffe?"

"Arl Eamon gave me over to the Chantry aged 10. His new wife couldn't stand the thought of me living in the same castle as her. I spent 11 years there then was recruited into the Grey Wardens last year."

"You helped Marcus with the Blight then I take it?" she asked.

_[That would make him 21, no 22? Only 2 years older than me. Oh dear god stop it, how can you be thinking of a man when you've just lost your entire family?] _

"Yep, real barrel of laughs that was! I kill millions of Darkspawn and get no thanks while Marcus kills off one bloody dragon and gets all the glory, the irony of it!" he laughed.

Elissa giggled. The others appeared in the trees, there were three of them, all laden with bags and sacks.

"Alistair stop flirting with our new friend, she's been through enough recently as it is!" Marcus shouted while the other two sniggered quietly. Elissa recognized Wynne.

Alistair went bright red and sighed over dramatically. "Idiot"

Elissa tried to suppress her laughter.

"Glad to see you're doing much better now Miss Cousland" Wynne smiled at her.

"Please everyone call me Elissa"

The third person, a small red-haired young woman bounded up to Elissa gracefully.

"Lovely to meet you, my name's Leliana!" she shook Elissa hand enthusiastically but gently."I see you already have been fed, good good. We're going to have a feast tonight to welcome you, so leave some room today. I'm SO glad to have another girl with us!"

"This is Marcus's other half." Wynne explained.

"Yeah they need to get a room slash tent most of the time Blerugh!" Alistair added.

"Oh shush Chantry boy, the only girl you've ever shared a bed with is that Mabari we found!" Marcus laughed.

"Marcus!" Leliana took off her leather glove and proceeded to smack him round the face with it. Wynne rolled her eyes, obviously used to such an exchange.

"I woke up before with that Mabari snuggled up next to me, I didn't know if it, she, had a name so I named her Woggles." Elissa spoke.

"Better than its previous name, it was unspeakable in public!" Wynne flapped her arms but smiled good-naturedly, "she seems rather attached to you, you may just have been imprinted."

Woggles was leaning against Elissa, sniffing the remains of her breakfast. Elissa fed the dog a piece of Bacon.

Alistair watched intently, slightly less red now. "Woggles?"


	3. Chapter 3

Later that night Leliana cornered Elissa away from the group to talk.

"Are you alright after everything that happened? Stupid question sorry, of course you're not. I may be able to understand a little, I was held captive and raped once too."

"Really? I'm so sorry Leliana."

"Don't be it was a long time ago, I managed to cope with the memory... eventually, Marcus helped a lot with that. He saved me." She smiled at her beloved, sat out of earshot at the other side of camp with the others. "Please, don't be afraid to talk about your family either, grieve when you need to. I'm here for you."

Elissa cried for a good while into Leliana's cloak, it made her feel a little better.

They stayed there for a month while Marcus sorted out some dispute at a nearby village. Elissa made them tell the story of how they fought the Blight and the Arch demon, Leliana told her in private that Marcus should have died when he struck the Arch Demon the final blow. They had a Malificar amongst them back then, a forbidden female, Blood Mage. The Blood Mage had given them a choice, Marcus was to conceive with her, a baby to hold the demon's soul or he was to die. Elissa saw the pain flash in Leliana's eyes when she told her. The other Grey Wardens had gone their separate ways after the Blight she was told, Marcus would probably never see his child. Leliana had also mentioned that Marcus wanted to make Elissa a Grey Warden.

Elissa shared all the group chores and cooked mostly, she had often helped out in the kitchen back at the Cousland estate. The rest of her time was spent sparring with the others, Alistair especially; though she was fully convinced he let her win every time. She loved to watch him practise his Sword fighting each morning, carefully sneaking glances when she knew he wasn't looking. Sometimes she would be rewarded when he lifted the bottom of his shirt up to wipe his forehead and she would glimpse his tight muscled stomach. One time she hadn't managed to look away fast enough and she glanced up to realise he was grinning at her.

"Seen something you like Elissa?" he asked leering playfully.

"Urgh, you wish Alistair." _[You could have thought of something a bit wittier Elissa!] _

He lay down his sword and walked up to where she was sitting, her heart raced as he drew closer. He sat down heavily next to her still slightly out of breath.

"Grey Warden stamina not up to much today?"

"Oh I could go on for hours Elissa." He grinned.

Elissa pulled a face, "Please I think I'm going to be sick."

"Pftt! Such lies, I know I'm quite a catch! Speaking of Grey Wardens, I'm guessing Leliana told you that Marcus was going to ask you to take the Joining. He's giving you the choice. What do you think you're going to do? Become a Warden?"

Elissa thought for a moment.

"I don't know if I'm honest, it's not like I have anything to give up if I become a Grey Warden. But I just don't know yet, I've heard rumours of some unwanted side effects. Besides, I probably wouldn't last five minutes in a real battle; I'm no good at fighting." She smiled weakly.

"Oh I wouldn't say that."

"Really?"

"Really Elissa. I think you're amazing." Then he got up without another word and disappeared into his tent, leaving her open-mouthed.


	4. Chapter 4

At night the group would eat together before bed, chatting and joking with one another, Elissa felt at home here. But at night, alone in her tent, she would cry silently into her pillow. She tried to remember the good times she had shared with her family but could only focus on their last night alive. She began to dream of her family's murderer, Howe, she dreamt of slitting his throat, burning him alive, anything to make him feel what he had forced her family to feel. Hate was a recurring theme through her dreams but something else was haunting her at night also. She had learned Alistair was an ex Templar, something she was disgusted to find out. But that piece of information had only dimmed him in her eyes a little.

"Right guys, I need to go back to Denerim. The Queen wants to speak to us about clearing up the last of the Darkspawn in the South East. Is everyone okay with that?" Marcus looked round at his ragtag group nodding back at him.

He looked at Elissa purposefully, "So does that mean I've convinced you to stay?"

She saw Alistair at her side take a step closer to her, worry marking his face. [_Does that mean he cares? No it doesn't, stop being silly Elissa. Stop seeing things that you know aren't there]._

"Hmmm. Oh go on then!" she laughed.

The rest of the group congratulated her and she realized she felt happy for the first time in a long time.

Elissa returned to her tent, still thinking of her earlier realisation. There was a strange pang of guilt in her chest. Was she supposed to feel any happiness so soon after losing her family?

She rooted through her leather pack, pulling out the little hand mirror she had received from her mother one birthday. She traced her finger around it's outline. The longing feeling gripped her, taking over any other emotions or wants. Elissa felt her eyes well up and wrapped her arms around herself feeling desperately alone.

She spotted the pouch of Lyrium in her pack. Without pausing to think, she snorted a sizeable dose. As she lay back on her bed roll, the loneliness was pushed away as Elissa felt the Lyrium work its magic.


	5. Chapter 5

It took several days to get to Denerim, the capital city of Ferelden. Elissa had been once before to a ball at the palace, she had been paraded round (like a prize cow she thought) for a prospective future husband. She had no desire for an arranged marriage so she decided to misbehave as much as possible on that trip, scaring off any interested parties. The ruse worked and Elissa was dragged home in shame with no noble husband in tow.

They were welcomed to the Royal palace as heroes. Well everyone apart from Alistair, the queen seemed to ignore his existence completely and Elissa knew why. It must have pained him even a little, to know he should have been sat where Anora was, as king. Leliana had told her he was no leader and did not want the crown, that he was much happier as a Warden being told what to do by Marcus. Leliana had also mentioned how one time they went to visit his long lost sister in Denerim but she did not want any contact and Alistair was crushed by his only relative's rejection. Elissa remembered him mentioning his lack of warmth in his upbringing and felt desperately sorry for him. She knew his humour could be a mask at times.

Elissa was astonished to find out they all had their separate rooms at the palace while Marcus and the Queen discussed what to do about the remaining Darkspawn. She scolded herself for being pleased that Alistair's room was next to hers. She also reminded herself that another Lyrium dose would be required to keep her looking decent when he saw her. That night the two of them bumped into one another outside her room.

"What are you doing up?" she asked.

"Hungry, thought I'd go to the kitchens and try to steal some food, perhaps slip little poison into Queen Anora's breakfast, fancy joining me?

Elissa laughed "Sure I can't sleep." This wasn't entirely true, she knew her supply of Lyrium was dwindling fast so had found the Palace's supply for the Templar guards and taken some while she knew the others would be asleep. It was exciting knowing if anyone found out she would be in a whole lot of trouble. But this had the potential to be much more exciting.

They found the kitchen mercifully empty of servants and after locating the food, began to gorge on a cake they found. Alistair found a bottle of whiskey and they began to take shots inbetween mouthfuls of cake.

"We're going to get in so much trouble if someone finds us .I think I'm tipsy already!" she exclaimed.

He giggled conspiratorially.

"It would be worth it though, good food, good ale and good company."

"Cheers to that. Dear Maker this is SO good, I've not had drank like this since..."

_[Fergus's wedding. Shit.]_

She put her head in her hands. Alistair shifted closer and put his arm around her.

"I'm sorry, ignore me please." She turned her head to face him and found his face only inches away, she could even feel his warm breath on her face. Words failed her and she sat silent and immobile. The feel of him touching her arm made her skin tingle, he was biting his bottom lip. She leant in towards him.

_[Kiss me back, kiss me back]._

"Yep I'm full now. And tired, really tired. Time for bed I think. Night Elissa!" He jumped up leaving her still leaning forward. She heard him half walking, half running up the stairs.

_[Is it possible to die of shame?]_ She thought, [_Please let it be possible_.]

She hovered round the door of the Dining room, her companions were already in there and that meant Alistair. She cursed herself for being so stupid the previous night.

_[Of course he doesn't like me, how could he after seeing me chained up and a mess? This is going to be awkward. Where's my mirror? Good, I look alright. Now Breathe slowly and just walk in. 3..2..1.. Now]_

As she went entered the dining room, she realized all the others were already having breakfast. Alistair didn't even look up when she came in. She felt her cheeks burn red in embarrassment.

Wynne handed her a cup of tea, "Sleep well dear?"

"Yes thanks Wynne".

"I've fed Woggles for you. Oh, you have powder on your nose Elissa, that's Lyrium isn't it?"

The whole group, including Alistair turned to stare at her.

_[Oh Fuck.]_

"Nah it's just eyeshadow, must have confused it for face powder. I'm so clumsy in the mornings!"

Marcus looked at her and smiled, "Reminds of Le-le here, doesn't know her arse from her elbow first thing in the morning! Sorry dear, ahem. Now, the Queen has asked us to clear up any remaining Darkspawn nests in the Brecilian Forest. It shouldn't take too long, reports say there are only a few nests still active there. We should be done within 2 weeks, then it's back to Amaranthine for some well deserved rest."

While the rest of the group finished their breakfast, Wynne surveyed Elissa, her face unreadable.

Marcus cleared his throat and lowered his voice, "Elissa you probably know by now of my intentions to make you a Grey Warden, don't worry I use the Right of Conscription it's entirely your choice, I'll give you some time to think it over. If you choose, we'll hold your joining at Amaranthine when we return. Is that okay?"

"Yes Marcus, thanks"

"Good girl, I know you'd make such a good Warden! If you wanted that is."

After breakfast, Wynne cornered Elissa and spoke out of earshot of the others.

"Dear girl, you're addicted to Lyrium aren't you? I've seen it a few times, I can sense magic coming from your tent in the morning. You're not even a mage are you?"

Elissa gulped, "I am not addicted, and no I'm not a mage. I was taught a few Beauty tricks from sniffing Lyrium."

"You poor vain girl. I thought Templars were the only non-mages addicted to Lyrium. It's not a perfect situation, still it won't do you any harm as long as you don't up the dosage. You do realize you'll have to take Lyrium for the rest of your life now? We'll have to make sure you always have a supply, I've seen the withdrawal of Lyrium in Templars." She shuddered. "And you have to tell the others."

"No! What will they think of me? Look I'll tell Marcus in private, just give me time."

Wynne looked at her sternly "I know you will, I just care about you. I still remember finding you in that basement. Dear child." She touched Elissa's cheek and briskly strode off to meet the others. Alistair glanced at Elissa and she looked away quickly, focusing on a rather interesting tapestry next to her.


	6. Chapter 6

The journey to the Brecilian Forest would take 3 nights. On the second night on the road, Elissa was making dinner when she noticed Alistair talking to Leliana a distance away from the camp. They both stopped and gave her furtive looks before continuing their discussion even quieter.

_[Wonder who they're talking about]. _She thought sarcastically. Alistair had given her a wide berth the previous two days. She hoped the glow of the fire would hide her blushing and she began making inane chatter with Marcus and Wynne.

As she made her way to her tent that night she felt a hand on her arm. It was Alistair.

"Could I talk to you please, in private?" He whispered. She nodded, unable to look him in the eye. As he led her out of the camp, she noticed Leliana tap Marcus on the shoulder and indicate them leaving together. He grinned stupidly and gave her a thumbs up while Wynne gave him a sharp clip to the back of head. Elissa snorted as they strode out of sight.

"What's so funny?" Alistair asked looking confused.

"It's nothing, what's up anyway?" she stopped walking and he turned to face her.

"I've got something for you."

"Oh".

_[Oh? Engage brain and act cool damn it!]_

He passed her a small box, which she opened to find a beautiful red rose inside.

"This is for you, do you know what it is?" He bit his bottom lip again. Elissa's stomach flipped at his nervous expression.

"Is this your new weapon of choice?" she asked.

He snorted this time, "Ahh yes! That's right! Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements! Feel my thorns, Darkspawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent!"

They both laughed.

"Or you know, it could just be a rose. I found it in Lothering before it was destroyed, I thought to myself 'How could something so beautiful thrive amongst all this darkness and despair? It's kind of what I see you as."

She was sure her heart stopped for a second.

"Thank you Alistair, it's beautiful."

He was biting his lip again, looking straight into her eyes_. _They instinctively took a step a closer to one another.

Suddenly she heard a noise behind Alistair.

"What the-"

Alistair was knocked over by a large growling, brown blur. He gasped when he hit the ground and lay on his back staring at rows of razor sharp teeth.

"WOGGLES!" Elissa shouted, "Bad dog get off him now!"

Woggles begrudgingly got off Alistair and Elissa helped pull him up. She felt her face burn red in embarrassment.

"Alistair are you okay? I'm so sorry, she must have thought you were hurting me!"

"I'm okay, wow that wasn't expected. You're dog is bloody frightening when she's angry!"

Elissa giggled, luckily Alistair saw the funny side and began laughing too. He put his arms around her and started to kiss her lightly, still chuckling. She sighed.

"Come on, let's go to camp before those lot get suspicious." He said quietly.

_[So soon?]_

"Wait" Elissa leaned in to kiss him again then stopped millimetres away,

"You're not going to run away like last time I attempted this are you?"

"I panicked, I felt such a fool after that. A beautiful girl goes to kiss me and I run away, that's Chantry training for you!"

He pulled her against him and kissed her gently. As they walked back to camp, he held her hand tightly. Elissa felt giddy with excitement at the feel of his hand in hers.

"What the hell was that shouting before? Did Woggles try to kill you for trying it on with her owner, Alistair? Good doggie!" Marcus roared.

"Shut up Marcus" Elissa said playfully. Alistair smiled softy at her and the butterflies in her stomach suddenly went crazy.

Leliana and Wynne giggled quietly as Elissa and Alistair sat down next to the fire, still hand in hand.

"One of these days, you'll realize you're just not that funny Marcus, hate to break to you" Alistair stated.

"Nonsense I'm bloody hilarious and it's just so easy to wind up the Chantry mouse!"

Elissa laughed then noticed Alistair glancing shyly at her. She smiled at him and he lifted her hand to his lips for a second. She blushed and looked to gauge the reaction of the rest of the group. They appeared unsurprised.

"It's about time, do you know he's been going on about you nonstop since we found you? Elissa this and Elissa that. Dear maker the man is obsessed!" Leliana exclaimed. Marcus roared again in laughter at Alistair's red face.


	7. Chapter 7

They arrived at the Brecilian forest the night after. The plan was for them to meet up with a Dalish elf clan that currently resided there and ask for any information or help ridding the Darkspawn. The forest was ancient and beautiful, Elissa could feel the hint of magic in the air.

Speaking of which..

She knew she would have to tell Alistair and the others of her Lyrium habit soon, Leliana had even asked what products she used every morning and whether she could borrow some. She wondered how Alistair would react, she knew the Templar in him would be disgusted. She just hoped he wouldn't judge her too harshly on it, after all there was nothing she could do about it now. To stop taking the Lyrium could have disastrous side effects.

They found the elves camp after a few hours and while Marcus spoke to the keeper, the others looked around the Dalish camp and decided to set up camp of their own, just outside the main camp. Elissa hadn't been able to wipe the smile from her face that day.

_[He likes me! He actually likes me! I wasn't reading those signs wrong after all, I wonder if he'll kiss me again tonight, wow that was amazing. Wait, we've been on the road all day, I bet I look awful. Oh Maker don't let him see me like this.]_

She crawled in her tent and rummaged around in her bag for the pouch of Lyrium. Panic rose as she could not find the pouch,, then (_sigh_) there it was. She took a pinch and raised it to her nostrils. One hard sniff and she began to chant, picturing herself clean, fresh and with perfectly applied make up. She looked in her little mirror.

_[Perfect, I actually look half decent!]_

"Elissa?"

She threw the Lyrium in the bag and closed it quickly.

"Be right there."

She gave herself one last look over, smoothed her long Blonde plait over her shoulder and crawled out of the tent.

"You look beautiful. Do you fancy taking a walk with me?" he asked while reaching for her hand. Some of the awkwardness between them had returned.

"Sure, after you!" She was nervous and excited all at the same time.

Elissa was glad she had brought a cloak with her, the night was cloudless and cold. They found a picturesque spot next to a river and sat down in the long grass together. Elissa loved the way moonlight reflected off his blonde hair and he caught her looking at him.

"Elissa, I know we haven't known each other like this for very long but I feel like every time I'm near you, I go crazy. I don't know how to say this but I have come to care for you... a lot. Do you think erm... you could ever care for me in the same way?" he said slowly.

"I think I already do."

"Great! That's good to know. Ever since I saw you, chained up in that basement, I-I've felt the need to protect you, to care for you. " Alistair reached up to her face and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

She plucked up the courage to actually look him in the eye for the first time in days and before she knew it he was kissing her. He put one hand around her waist and another through her hair. Elissa traced his jaw with her fingers, admiring the contrast of his stubble on his warm soft cheek. She wanted to be closer to him, to be rid of anything that was in their way, clothes, space. She pressed herself against him and she knew a different need had taken over them as they kissed harder and more desperately.

He pulled his face away from hers and into her neck where he began to kiss. "Mmm." She ran her hand under his shirt and down his back. He stopped.

"Elissa, I've never even kissed a girl before for God's sake!" He drew back and took in her face, "But Maker's breath you're beautiful."


	8. Chapter 8

Marcus slammed his fist on the elf keeper's ornate wooden table.

"Andraste's ass! And I thought this was going to be easy, next to nothing compared to the Arch demon. Talking Darkspawn? Talking Darkspawn. What the fuck? I've heard rumours but...argh!"

The Elf keeper rolled his eyes at the foul language and wondered if this man really was the famous 'Saviour of Ferelden', his choice of words certainly didn't seem very noble.

"Yes shemlem I am sorry to inform you of that, it appears we have more than a simple extermination on our hands." He said slowly.

"Since when did those evil bastards learn to speak? I have to admit, I feel a little out of my comfort zone here. Do you think we need re-enforcements Keeper?"

The Keeper contemplated this for a minute. "No, but I do think we need to re-assess the situation before we charge straight in and get ourselves killed needlessly. We need to learn more about them, what their habits are. What their weaknesses are."

"Agreed, we need a someone who can observe them for a while without being noticed. A spy perhaps?" Marcus said rubbing his temples.

"It is just as well then that I have a spy who owes me a favour." The Keeper smiled.


	9. Chapter 9

Elissa led Alistair by the hand into her tent when they returned. Wynne watched them go inside, she smiled and called Woggles over. "You stop with me tonight Dog."

As they lay down together and embraced, Elissa began to run her hand along her love's chest. She noticed he had stopped trembling after a while.

"Mmmm. You'll have to stop doing that." He held her offending hand up to his mouth and held it in his teeth, growling.

She giggled. "Why Alistair? Don't you like that?" she stuck out her bottom lip in a fake pout.

Alistair's smile faded. "No, no of course I do, it's just..."

"Just what?" she asked realising he was now being serious. Her stomach seemed to fill with ice.

"I've never done this before; I was always brought up being told to wait or to abstain altogether. To wait for the right time, the right person." Elissa's heart sank. "I'm sorry Elissa, I do like you I just need to be _sure_ before I let go like that."

She stared at him for a moment, not quite sure what to think.

"I thought you were sure. What you said earlier, giving me that rose. I was taught to wait too you know, you're _my_ right person Alistair." She felt the tears start to well.

"Yes but you're not waiting anymore are you? Howe's guard?"

The tears stopped.

"What?"

Alistair sensed anger and panicked. "I didn't mean it like that! I worded it all wrong."

"But that is what you think; I'm no longer 'right' because of what that bastard did to me."

"Please Elissa, I don't think.."

Elissa grabbed her bag and hurled herself out of the tent, too furious to look at him. She had to get out of there, away from him. She ran away from the camp and into the black of the forest. She felt Woggles brush her legs and glanced down through the tears to see the Mabari running at her side.

How could she have been so stupid? To allow herself to fall for a Templar, they only cared for what the Chantry deemed right and wrong, good and evil. And Elissa, innocence snatched and addicted to Lyrium was not what the Chantry, therefore Alistair, would ever accept. She stopped running and collapsed onto her knees sobbing. Still weeping, she lay down on the rough ground and curled up into a Foetal position, there she fell asleep and her faithful new friend snuggled next to her to keep her warm while she slept on the forest floor.

Wynne had heard the harsh words and had seen Elissa run into the trees, followed by her beloved Woggles. She had followed the sounds of the cries until she had discovered Elissa's whereabouts and there she had waited until Elissa had fallen asleep. She then used her staff to cast a layer of ice around Elissa's sleeping form.

A cold drip fell on Elissa's face and she woke with a start. It didn't take her long to realise there was a thick layer of ice surrounding her and she was unable to break out from it. She heard Wynne's voice as she beat her fists on her icy coffin.

"It appears you are trapped, child." She said sounding amused.

"Wynne! Help me. Someone must have cast a spell on me while I was sleeping. Please hurry! Try melting it with a Fireball."

"It was I who entrapped you Elissa." Wynne smiled.

"What? Why would you do that?"

"I want to see how much magic you can really do from your Lyrium inhalation."

"I told you Wynne! I can only do little Beauty tricks to keep me looking human, please let me go." She begged, the panic was now evident from her voice.

"I know you may think that but I believe there is more than simple vanity spells. I shall not let you go Elissa, the only way for you to escape is to use your magic." And with that, Wynne sat down and made a fire in front of her. She then pulled a small copper kettle from her robe.

"I anticipated that we could be here a while and thought I may want a nice cup of tea or two while we wait."

"Wynne, is this about me and Alistair earlier?

"No dear. That's really none of my business."

"I doubt that. _Please._ Let. Me. Out." She growled through gritted teeth.

Elissa used every bit of strength she could muster to beat and kick the ice around her but it made no difference.

"WYNNE! For the love of God I CANT DO MAGIC! Sodding witch, let me out of here now!"

Wynne simply smiled and ignored her. She continued with her tea making, humming to herself quietly.

"WYNNE!"

It was a while before Elissa gave up begging and pleading to be let out, she knew the elderly witch meant business.

_[How the hell am I supposed to get out of here? Cast a powerful enough spell? I wouldn't know how to. I'm not even a Mage. Crazy old cow is going to leave me in here to rot!]_

She sighed_. [What the heck, I've got nothing to lose!] _She manoeuvred her hand into the bag she rested her head on and fished around inside of it for the pouch of Lyrium. Finding it, she slowly pulled it from the bag to her face and took a pinch. She inhaled and thought of red twisting flames, pressing her hand against the ice. Nothing happened.

"Have to try a little harder than that my dear." Wynne called.

Elissa felt a flash of anger in her stomach and a small flame erupted from one of her fingers. Shocked she studied her hand and watched the small flame die out. She replaced her hand on the ice and tried again, shaking with the effort but nothing happened. _[Damn it!]_

She pressed both hands against the wall of her ice tomb this time and thought things she knew would make her angry. Her mind calm, she concentrated on her anger.

First thought was the sheer cheek of Wynne entombing her while she slept, the old witch was fond of Alistair, of course this was payback for their argument earlier. Wynne was probably listening in. Small flames spouted from her hand. After a small smile at her success, she thought of Alistair himself; - leading her on then turning her down because she was longer a virgin, even though it was stolen from her. The Ice started to drip.

_[After everything I've been through! Stupid, ignorant, holier-than-thou, Templar bastard!]_

Her coffin began to drip more heavily now, small pieces of ice were falling away as the flames began to circle inside. Elissa tried not to think of the flames licking her skin, though they did not harm her in any way. She felt the rage building inside her, intensifying the now- roaring flames. A face floated in her mind's eye. Howe. She remembered hearing her sister in law and nephew stop screaming suddenly, no doubt in her mind what had happened to them. She thought of her mother and father; how they had been good friends with their murderer, trusting him and giving him refuge the night before he had ordered them dead. And she thought of being chained to the wall of her own home to be raped and abused by Howe's guards.

The remaining Ice coffin exploded into millions of tiny icy droplets at the huge roaring fireball surrounding Elissa.

"Bravo Elissa! I was worried I'd have to break you out myself for a while." Wynne clapped her hands together looking extremely pleased with herself. Elissa in her rage, was half-tempted to turn the fireball onto her for a second.

"Don't you _ever_ try anything like that again."

"Of course not I promise, now, there is much to be done child. We have to train you up. I reckon you could have actually been a Mage all along. It wasn't just Lyrium I was sensing coming from your tent every morning, it was you. It's extremely unusual for it to appear this late but maybe something triggered it. The shock of losing your family perhaps? I don't know. "

The fireball stopped abruptly and Elissa's breath caught.

"I'm sorry to bring that up again Elissa. But Magic is a gift, you have been blessed child. A warrior AND a Mage." Her eyes shone.

"Wow, I didn't think that was even possible." Elissa examined her hands carefully, "And what do you mean training?"

Wynne handed her a cup of tea still looking incredibly excited.

"We have to train you up now child, you'll be one fearsome warrior what with great sword technique AND magic at your disposal!"

Wynne convinced Elissa to return camp after several hours of practising spells together. Elissa had proved an effective spell caster after she had focused her mind. She had begged Wynne not to tell the others of their discovery just yet and Wynne agreed, wanting to hone Elissa's spells before showing them off.


	10. Chapter 10

They stopped beside a waterfall the next night, Marcus couldn't sense any Darkspawn and felt the attack the previous night would be a one off. Elissa didn't feel any safer for his prediction and asked Wynne to teach her some more spells. Alistair had kept away from her and only communicated with a snapped "No" when she asked him did he want help making dinner. Wynne made her practise her fire spells and Winter's Grasp before teaching her Shock and Lightening, Elissa found a way to concentrate her mind perfectly which made casting spells much easier than using her anger.

Wynne watched her practise Shock intently, "Perfect! Well done Elissa think we'll call it a night now, it's getting late." She smiled and raised her eyebrow. "Plus I think someone wants to talk to you."

Elissa spun around. Alistair was leant against a tree, arms folded and he was biting his lip. He looked a little nervous not to mention awkward.

"Thanks Wynne" he said to her as she strode past him quickly. He looked up to face Elissa.

"I've been watching you practise, you're not bad."

_[For a Mage]_ she thought darkly.

"Oh?" Elissa said tonelessly.

Alistair sighed, "Not this again, we've barely spoken in days. I can't stand it when we're like this." He gave her a sad look with wide, brown eyes and Elissa blanched at the sight of them then regained her stance.

"There is no 'we' remember? I'm not right for you. And I guess I'm a Mage now too, we are so completely different it's staggering." She looked up to try to stop the tears building. "When you turned me down because I'm not "waiting" anymore, that hurt. That really hurt me."

He managed to look even more sorrowful as he stepped toward her and put his hands on her arms.

"Please Elissa, I know you're angry, you have every right to be. I'm such an idiot. I would give anything to go back and not say that." She tried to resist looking into his eyes but found herself admiring how beautiful they were, sad and brown. "I'm sorry." He paused, "I love you."

She melted, her anger ebbed away and was replaced by longing. "Alistair, you don't know that."

"I know that we're not that different and I know that I am sure about you. I always was sure about you. I love you Elissa." He said firmly.

He kissed her softly, she felt warm tears of his run onto her face. She knew she loved him, despite how different they were and despite how much he could hurt her unknowingly.

"Show me." She said taking his hand. "I need to know that you're sure, I need you to show me that you love me Alistair."

They went back to camp silently, the others were all asleep and the only noise was the sound of the waterfall nearby and the crackling of the dying fire. They lay down in her tent, Elissa rested her head on his shoulder. He knelt up and moved over her .He began to kiss her, slowly at first then the need took hold. He tugged off her tunic then removed his. She ran her hand over his chest and stomach. [_Wow]_

He began to remove the rest of her clothing, kissing his way down her body slowly and she shivered lightly. She guided his hand to where it needed to be while he continued to kiss her.

When things became too much to bear for Elissa, she undressed the rest of him and encouraged him silently, to lie on top of her. A thought ran though her mind of how perfectly they fit together.

_[.God.]_

Later he wrapped her cloak around them as she rested her head on his chest.

"I love you Elissa."

"And I love you ."

"Are you sure?"

"YES!"

He smiled and stroked her still flushed cheek. "You know according to the Chantry I should have been struck by lightning by now."

"Could still happen?"

"Hmm yeah right, not much of a deterrent then is it?"

She laughed.

He looked worried for a second, "That was ok wasn't it? It didn't remind you of, you know, what happened to you when we found you?"

"No this was just so perfect, you are perfect. That time in the basement hardly seems real now. It almost feels like a bad dream."

He looked immensely relieved. "So, where do we go now my Lady?"

"We stay together, no matter what."

"Sounds good to me."

Alistair kissed the top of her head while she closed her eyes and listened to him breathing. Elissa had never felt so safe.


	11. Chapter 11

Marcus and Leliana were both smirking as Alistair came out of Elissa's tent followed by Elissa herself. Elissa kept her eyes down as she sat down next to Wynne at the camp fire.

Leliana straightened her face into the perfect picture of neutrality,

"Sleep well Elissa? It awful cold last night." She asked in her Orlaisian twang.

Marcus snorted.

"Yes thank you Leliana, I didn't notice the cold actually." She said in what she hoped was a normal tone of voice.

Wynne gave her a small smile, "I wish I had a man to keep me warm at night.." She said mischievously.

"HA! You are a sly one Wynne!" Marcus laughed.

The elderly witch winked and continued to make tea while the others laughed into their food.

They travelled through the forest the next day, until they reached some old magnificent ruins covered in Ivy and surrounded by a sea of brambles. Marcus ordered them to set up camp and to keep an eye for the contact arranged by the Dalish. Elissa and Leliana were tasked with collecting firewood, a job Elissa knew would made that more annoying by Leliana's constant questioning. She had practically ripped Elissa's arm off when she dragged her into the trees, luckily Elissa managed to dodge some of the more intimate questions.

"So are you two going to share a tent now? If you want my advice, stick to separate bedrolls. There's nothing worse than waking up in the middle of the night and finding your beloved had stolen all the covers!"

"I don't know about that." Elissa smiled weakly, she hadn't taken Lyrium in front of Alistair as it was obvious he didn't approve.

"And if you ever want any _other_ advice," she gave a suggestive smirk, "don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks Leliana, but you know we've only Ahh, spent the night together once. This is all so new and scary for both of us."HH

Leliana's eyes looked into the distance, "The honeymoon period, wow I miss those days. The trembling hands, everything new and so exciting, the passion. The romance."

Elissa looked at how little wood she had collected, it was starting to get dark.

"Come on, let's get this wood and go. I'm hungry."

"Are you sure you're not a Grey Warden already?"

"Not unless they joined me while I was asleep!

Elissa spotted a dry piece of wood and reached down to pick it up. Suddenly she felt a sharp blade pressed to her throat and a strong hand on her shoulder.

"This is quite a predicament you find yourself in, pretty one." Spoke a male voice in a lilting foreign accent.

Leliana squealed in delight, "Zevran! You're our contact?"

The blade was removed from Elissa's throat and the hand on her shoulder pulled her upright. She whipped around to face her attacker. He was the same height as her, with shoulder length blonde hair and brown smooth skin. Had he not held a knife to her throat, she may have found him quite attractive.

She cast Winter's Grasp and the elf froze.

"You do that again and I'll burn you alive." She murmured dangerously, inches away from the elf's frozen face.

After a few seconds, Zevran thawed and emerged coughing and gasping for breath. Leliana clearly found the exchange hilarious and was chuckling away behind her hand.

"No Mage has been quick enough to cast a spell on me in years, I am most impressed. What is your name, beautiful Mage?"

Elissa grabbed her dropped wood and stomped back towards camp.

"Elissa." She mumbled visibly annoyed.


	12. Chapter 12

Zevran, it appeared, had helped the other's during blight. Wynne told Elissa how he was once a feared Antivan assassin, hired to kill Marcus and the others but they had overpowered him and asked him to join their group.

Marcus, Leliana and Wynne all appeared to be happy that Zevran had rejoined them, whereas Alistair seemed rather unimpressed to see him again.

She asked him that evening about his thoughts on Zevran. He looked mildly annoyed for a second than smiled.

"It's not that I don't like him, it's just he's quite _different_ to me. He's very Antivan, you'll see."

Elissa turned to look at Zevran; he was sitting inbetween Wynne and Leliana, regaling them with tales and dirty jokes. Elissa was sure Marcus would scowl every time Leliana laughed out loud at something Zevran had said, jealousy was not a trait she previously knew Marcus had.

Marcus cleared his throat pointedly and quiet fell upon the camp.

"Zev, I think I speak for all of us when I say it's wonderful to have you back within our ranks." Marcus smiled but it did not seem to reach his eyes.

"Never in a million years, did I think you would be the spy the Dalish recommended! Do you have any news on the nests here? What about the rumours of talking Darkspawn?"

All smiles disappeared on the mention of talking Darkspawn.

"It's great to working with the fine Wardens yet again. Now, I have been watching a large nest for several days. I owed the Dalish a favour and they sent me to keep an eye on the Darkspawn in the forest, after rumours of talking beasts."

He paused to take a sip out of his mug.

"I'm afraid the rumours are true, the Darkspawn now have leaders who speak in our tongue."

There was a gasp from Leliana and Wynne. Zevran continued.

"It appears there is great intelligence commanding their brutality. I watched from a distance, they're numbers are not great, say a hundred or so but they are organised."

Elissa hadn't realised she had been shaking until Alistair put his arm around her middle, steadying her. She was distracted for a second by the feel of his hands around her middle but her thoughts quickly returned to Darkspawn.

_[Talking Darkspawn? And we are going to find and try to kill them, great.]_

"There is a nest about a day's walk East, I shall lead you to them and help from there. But I warn you we need a strategy Marcus."

Marcus looked grim.

"Thank you, we'll talk more on this tomorrow but for now it's getting late. I suggest we all head for bed. Leliana it's your turn for watch then Elissa."

Elissa grabbed Alistair's arm and lead him to her tent, she could hear his breath quicken. It was obvious he was still nervous around her. Woggles moaned and settled down closer to the fire.

She watched him as he removed his armour.

"You're not worried are you? About the talking ones?"

He lay down on the bedroll.

"Hmm. Maybe a little, We're not used to them being this organised. In the mean time I've got bigger things to worry about."

Elissa lay next to him, propped up on one elbow.

"Like what?"

"Like how to tempt you out of that tunic, I can't even remember how beautiful you look with nothing on." He stuck out his bottom lip and Elissa snorted.

"You saw me naked last night remember?"

Alistair rolled them over so was now above her, he began kissing her lightly.

"Nope. Can't remember a thing, you'll have to remind me!"

A low moan escaped her when he started to nuzzle down her neck.

_[Maybe we should share a tent.]_


End file.
